Glory to God in the Highest!

And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them,

"Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger." 

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!" 

Luke 2:8-14

Just a few days ago I was driving to work listening to some audiobook or news program. In one of those dramatic moments of sudden decisiveness, I resolutely killed the power to the radio and determined to turn my heart and mind to Jesus. Immediately I was reciting Luke 2 ... "and there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks by night..." And as I continued to mediate on this momentous occasion recorded in Scripture, I was filled with overwhelming emotion - joy and excitement and gratitude and worship. Tears began coming and I literally said to myself, "Chris, what's going on? You're crying in the car thinking of a passage you've heard and read a hundred times?" But deep inside, I didn't really care that I was falling apart - it's a beautiful thing to have your heart tenderized by the Word of God.

I imagine a handful of men scattered among flocks of sheep. They are tired, but they are determined to stay vigilant. They must keep watch. No thief or wolf is going to get to one of their sheep on their shift. It's probably a quiet night. Quiet except for the chorus of bleating sheep that seem to want the wolves to know exactly where they are. The shepherds love their sheep, to be sure, knowing each of them by name and by the slight variations in their coats, and how they walk and stumble about, even the different looks in their eyes, but I imagine in their hearts they'd rather be home with their families. But this is how life is and they are determined to love, protect and serve these sheep that are under their care. 

Then erupting out of this mundane night, an explosion of light! Shielding their eyes and confused, they fall down. As their eyes begin to adjust to the brilliant light they realize that a human figure is suspended in the sky exploding with light and glory. "And they were terrified." 

But who do you think was most excited about this encounter? Although I have usually read this from the shepherds' perspective, during this recitation, I was emotionally moved as I took that of the angel's. 

This angel of the Lord has lived in the presence of God. He knows the heart of God - a heart full of love and compassion and wisdom. He loves God with his whole being. He has seen the broken heart of God over his people - over all people - who have been stolen and placed into the captivity of sin. This angel has seen the glory of the Garden of Eden and the effects of the curse that have lasted 4,000 years - destroying, ravaging, murdering, lying, hating. He has seen constant betrayal and pain and bloodshed and known for centuries that it is just not right. Not only has the angel's heart grieved over the plight of man, but he aches with God the Father because he knows that God's heart is so much greater than his own and so it has suffered even more than his own. It has been too long. Too many years. Too much pain. The ache over the broken relationship between God the Father and his children has not let up in all these years. I believe this is the context of the angel's message. And I imagine the brilliance and glory was not merely a dramatic effect, but may have come out of the angel's own 'bursting at the seams' joy over the announcement he was about to give. 

"Do not be afraid!!! I bring you GOOD NEWS of GREAT JOY that will be for ALL THE PEOPLE!!!"

I imagine the shepherds are a bit like us - so caught up in the spectacle that the words almost fly over their heads. To the angel, on the other hand, it's all about the words. He lives in glory and light. He's probably not even trying to be impressive. All he wants to do is communicate a message - the greatest message he has ever given - a message he has waited thousands of years to give, or hear, or whatever - just to know that TODAY, NOW, there is GOOD NEWS of GREAT JOY that is for ALL THE PEOPLE!... A SAVIOR has been born to YOU and HE is CHRIST THE LORD!

The angel still cannot even believe his own words. He is exploding with emotion and joy. This is the most thrilling message that has been given since God said, "Let there be..." The Father has revealed his heart again in a most astounding way. "...a SAVIOR has been born to YOU..." To these shepherds, to all people, to Herod, to all the wicked, fallen people, bound by death and sin, in relentless bondage and captivity to evil, to all who have been led astray... A SAVIOR... God has given you a SAVIOR!

The angel is reeling. "A Savior! A Savior! God is going to save his people!" It's all he can do to just stick to the script. 

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

Heaven explodes. The other angels have been trembling in the background with excitement as the message has been given, and now they cannot contain their joy and praise. Their glory bursts forth in the dark night as they proclaim:

"GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST!
AND ON EARTH PEACE TO MEN ON WHOM HIS FAVOR RESTS!"

God has done it. The prophesies have come to pass. The Redeemer is here. The baby. Jesus, the promised Messiah. What a glorious announcement.

Obviously, I'm using my imagination to fill in some of the spaces left in the Scripture. But as I recited this passage to myself in my car that day, I was overwhelmed with that sense of joy that I believe all the angels of heaven were experiencing.

I hope each of us can really feel the joy knowing that "A SAVIOR has been born... He is CHRIST THE LORD."

Africa Updates

I know that there are a few people who periodically check my blogs. For those of you reading this, my friend Jon and I have put together another blog with pictures and video from our trip to Africa.

web.mac.com/collerch

Hope you enjoy!

Mercy from Below

The word I have to share is much too long overdue. “Forgive me, Lord, if I have neglected my responsibility with the words You’ve so generously given me.”

The Lord shared this revelation with me back in November while I was praying at a “Sacred Assembly” gathering in Grand Rapids, MI to pray, fast, worship, and intercede for the city and the end of abortion in Grand Rapids.

While I was talking with the Lord I asked Him if He would tell me something - anything. I just wanted a revelation from His heart.

I started thinking about the word He had given me months earlier about the sand and wells rising up and the outpouring of the Spirit in power and unity. (If you haven’t read it, it’s written in full under the title “Sand & Stones.” I recommend reading it before continuing with this as it is directly related to this word.) So, I was thinking about the wells and the rain and the scoffers and immediately I felt I heard,

“Judgment from above; mercy from below.”

“Huh? What does that mean, Lord?” “Is that really you? Or is it my own thought?” “Seems kind of strange if it’s my own thinking…”

I wrote it down in my journal and continued to ask the Lord for more information on it. The next thing I heard was,

“As in the days of Noah.”

“Hmmm… ok…” I wondered, still perplexed.

I then began to think about how all the way up until the time of Noah, there had never been any rain.

“For the Lord God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to till the ground; but a mist went up from the earth and watered the whole face of the ground.” Genesis 2:5-6

… the earth was watered from the springs and mists from the ground.

It wasn’t until sin had become so unbearable to the Lord that He determined that He needed to bring His judgment to the earth. So He opened the Heavens …

and it rained.

“In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, on that day all the fountains of the great deep were broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.” Genesis 7:11

Some believe that the reason the rainbow was given as the sign to Noah was because up until the rain at the time of the flood, there had never been water droplets in the air to create a rainbow. Now, after the flood, rains come - and so do the rainbows.

The Lord continued to lead me through this thought processes, but I was still a bit confused.

“Ok, Lord, but how does Noah and the flood connect to the vision you’d given me before about the wells and...OH!”

I don’t even think the Lord had said anything, but I just felt it deep in my heart and I started to cry.

“NO, Lord! You can’t mean that… not ME, Lord. How can I...? How can we...? Oh, my Lord.”

You see, the Lord in a moment told me something that both excited me, terrified me, and broke my heart. Do you see it?

The Lord’s judgment is coming, and perhaps is already in our land. The Spirit has been telling the prophets for some time about coming crises - natural disasters, health epidemics, economic struggle (which is already very real here in Michigan) - a time when the “love of men will grow cold.”

But the Lord has a plan. He always has a plan. Do you know what it is?

It’s us.

“Judgment from above; mercy from below.”

The Lord is pouring out His Spirit on His Children not just for our own sakes, and not only for His… but for the world’s.

In the times of the Lord’s judgment on the sin of the world, WE are and will be HIS MERCY!

We are the mist that rose to water the ground!
We are the underground wells that trembled and exploded out over a barren desert!

This is almost incomprehensible to me.

Friends, this is a big deal. It’s not just for our own kicks and “Holy Ghost chills” that the Lord moves on us and has given us His Spirit. We have a crucial role to play in the Lord’s plan for the last days. We are truly God’s gift of mercy to a dying, rotting, and sinful world. He loves them so much… so much… He loves them so much… and He is so overwhelmed with affection and love for us that He wants us to show them. Can you feel that in your heart? We are the salt of the earth. We are the light of the world.

“Father, this still sits in my heart like a flame that weighs a thousand pounds. I want to show them, Lord. But I’m still so focused on me that I hardly ever even see them the way you do. Please, Lord, would you help me? Would you help us? I want to be your mercy, Jesus. I want to be your compassion and love. I want to be you. But I’m so terrified because I know who I am. Can you help me forget me and only know you?
Thank you, Lord, that you will do it. Thank you, Lord, that you believe that we will do it…. because we are Your Children, born of Your Spirit … and so we will. Amen.”

Legalized Prayer

My medical rotation this month has been with the sobering, yet eye-opening Child Protection Team at Spectrum Health. The doctor whom I have been working with is a specialist in child abuse cases. We see about 4 patients a day as each interview and physical exam lasts up to 2 hours. I have heard many heart-breaking stories and my naivety is definitely being eroded away - as unpleasant as it may be. Now, there are a great many things that I could share having spent a month listening to stories of neglect and abuse, but I felt the Lord say something to me with regard to the legal side of things.

See, the doctor I'm working with spends a good chuck of time in court as an expert witness testifying on behalf of the children she sees. Through my conversations with her, I have been a bit more educated in the legal aspects of such things. There are many "traps" that lawyers try to lay to discredit a witness or prove that they are not impartial. For example, the doc asked me, "Do you consider yourself a child advocate?" Perhaps the easy and natural response is, "Yeah, of course." However, if you say that in court, now you're no longer "impartial" and your testimony is invalid - the court would now assume that you don't care about truth or justice, just that the kid gets his way. Those who have learned how to play in this verbal "chess match" would see that they actually need to qualify their statements and be very specific (yet not too specific). A more appropriate response would be, "Insofar as I am a medical health care provider, it is within the expectations of my vocation that I would help to identify and remove those things and circumstances which cause harm to my patients, and add such things as would bring them health and safety." (I imagine a lawyer could even punch a hole in that, but you get the idea.)

Anyway, my revelation came while I was driving and thinking about this legal game. I began to think about prayer and I felt the Lord say, "You don't receive because you do not ask." I was like, "what does that have to do with law and lawyers?" The response I felt was that the Lord actually wants us to be praying and asking for the outrageous - not just because He loves to give us good gifts, but for legal purposes as well!

See, as heirs to the King we have a legal position to ask things from the Lord. When satan "appeals" and tries to convince the Lord to withhold from us, the Lord refers to the prayers of His children which have become a legal document_ Therefore, the more we ask for, the more legal right we have to receive and satan cannot appeal against the Lord's goodness. We actually secure our blessings and the changes in our times by the prayers and petitions that we submit to the Lord. Our prayers are valid, legally accepted "documents" in the courts of Heaven!

Now, I'm really not sure if that is all 100% biblically sound; it might not be. It was just an idea that came to me while I was thinking about our own court systems. I feel that it has motivated me to pray more and with more faith. I hope that it does for you as well.

Heavenly Literacy

There are many human languages - English, Spanish, French, and all the rest. There are languages of a different sort, as well: the Languages of Heaven and hell. And just as our common languages can be communicated both by speech and by writing, so can the spiritual languages. The Lord is both writing on us and speaking over us. Unfortunately, most of us are completely oblivious to these languages. We do not perceive the words, so we do not learn to understand. The Lord used a man this week to show me His language - the unread, unperceived story that He writes into every precious life. His stories are riveting and powerful, and they are true. This week the Lord took a man who could not communicate in the natural to show me what He was writing in the spiritual.

Multiple Sclerosis is a disease that affects a person's nervous system. It slowly eats away at the physical wiring of a person's body. As time progresses, the person becomes more and more paralyzed. They are unable to perform any purposeful movements. In the end stages of the disease, they are often completely dependent on others to survive - they cannot eat, go to the bathroom, wash or change themselves. Often they require assistance even in breathing.

This week in the hospital, the first patient assigned to me had this disease. He had been in the hospital a dozen times in the last couple months for numerous lung infections and medical problems that he could not fight because of the MS. I admit that I was a bit scared to go in to visit with him. I looked into his room and saw a middle-aged man lying in a bed, unable to move, with his left arm contracted against his chest. He had an O2 mask placed over his neck which was blowing oxygen into his tracheostomy tube. Coming out of his belly was some sort of artificial umbilical cord - a PEG tube that was used to feed him since he could no longer swallow. Another yellow tube ran from under the sheets into a bag on the side of the bed - a catheter which drained his bladder since he was unable to control his urinary muscles anymore. There were other assorted tubes and monitors around. He had tubes to his blood, his bladder, his stomach and lungs, but the hardest thing for me to see was his eyes. He was just staring. He was like a zombie just staring at the wall. His eyes were slightly deviated - the muscles no longer able to keep his eyes straight. They seemed empty.

I was scared to go in. What was I going to do? I had not really been confronted with this sort of condition before - at least not to this degree. I suppose I simply convinced myself that I had a job to do, and so I went in.

I called his name, not sure if he could hear me. I put my hand on his knee and introduced myself - just hoping that he could understand me. It's a strange thing to talk with someone who can make no replies or efforts to communicate back. It gets uncomfortable really fast. I silently prayed in tongues over him as I listened to his lungs which were obviously filled with mucous which he was unable to cough up. (Even listening to someone's lungs feels invasive and intrusive when your patient doesn't give you consent. But, "I had a job to do," right?)

Torn between wanting to stay and endure my discomfort for the sake of growing and knowing that it could all end if I just left - I hesitated, staring out the window, still trying to offer silent comfort to him with my hand on his swaddled knee. But I felt helpless. Ironic, isn't it?

I visited this gentleman the next 2 days. Each day was the same. I wasn't sure if I was growing more comfortable around him, or if I was becoming more calloused - rejecting my own helplessness. I found myself fighting the urge to say those words which I'm sure he has heard a million times: "I wish there was something more I could do (for you)." I knew in my heart that those words would be poison to him and that they were NOT from the Lord. (Gosh, would that be like saying to a blind person, "I wish I could see this sunset more clearly." But the urge was there. There's something about our insatiable need to be able to "do something" that gives us a pseudo-sense that we have value. ...Interesting considering this man was the epitome of "unable to do something." If I were to speak those words, I knew that I would be implying that this man had absolutely no value at all - and that is NOT the Lord.)

I was on-call at the hospital Wednesday night. It was pretty slow, so I was lying on the couch in the call room. I was thinking and praying about this man. I thought of him lying in his bed just two floors above me. I thought of him staring at the wall - hour after hour. Unable to move or communicate. Just existing. "Lord! I don't understand! What are you telling me through him? what are you saying to him? Lord, yes, what are you saying to him? What would you have me say to him for you? What is your word?" Almost immediately I felt the Lord say,

"Tell him that all that he is doing is more than enough for my love."
I feel like I need to pause for a moment and let that ring in my mind.

Goodness, it is no secret that helplessness and loss of independence is one of our greatest fears - it's the number one fear of elderly people - and so I knew that this man - only in his mid 50s, had endured this fear in perhaps the most terrifying way. And yet, that was the target of the Lord's word to him: "all that you are doing (essentially nothing) is more than enough for me to love you."

I felt this urge in me to go up to his room. The Lord reminded me of the vision He gave me a long time ago: I saw myself in a hospital room praying over a patient who was peacefully sleeping. I realized that that vision is soon to come to pass. I felt he wanted me to go to this man and tell him this word. I was afraid though. I was afraid to say those words that would probably be more powerful than anything he had experienced in his years of enduring this disease.

Today, as I have been praying about him - the Lord showed me a bit more. In my mind I saw this man lying there motionless in his bed. I saw what looked like words written in some foreign language scrolling over his sheets and paralyzed body. It was as if a transparency projector was projecting a scrolling story over this man. I could not read the language. I then noticed something else. Lying over his sheets there was a letter. It was handwritten and signed by Jesus. I knew that it was a translation of the story that was written all over this man in the language of the spirit. Though it was addressed to this man, Jesus had translated story for me and anyone who wanted to be able to read this man's story. This is essentially what it said:

"My Son, you're fine. All that you are able to do right now is enough. I am impressed with you because I love you. You are pleasing to me because I made you and I delight in you. You are my gift of mercy to everyone who has cared for you. You are a greater blessing that you can imagine. And all that you do is more than enough to do what I've asked you to do."

As I read the note, I knew it was true. It is true of that man and it is true of you and me. The Lord had given us this man as a gift. He is actually a spiritual picture of us. He is the Lord's mercy and it is written all over him. What he has endured has been our blessing. His helplessness offends us - it offends our minds. It forces us - if we are willing to look on him - to consider how strong we think we are. If we endure it - if we push through the pain of seeing ourselves in that man - the Lord will open our eyes to see his handwritten note that says that even when we are completely paralyzed, even if we cannot help ourselves or anyone else, even then - all that we do is more than enough for the Lord to love us.

Lastly, I really hope and pray that the Lord teaches me to regularly and easily notice the scrolling language of heaven written all over my patients (and anyone, for that matter). I want to be able to understand it and then be willing to boldly read it aloud for everyone to hear. We need to know the truth of who we are and what the Lord is saying about us - it is more valuable than we can imagine.

Lord, teach us your language.

Sand & Stones

This past weekend was a blast. It's always a blessing to be able to worship the Lord - and this weekend I was very blessed indeed. Whilst praising my Savior, I had two "visions" that I would like to record and present for your encouragement:

Friday night as I was dancing before the Lord I saw in my mind a vast, open land. It was covered in sand like a desert. I looked and all that I could see was sand... for miles and miles. All of a sudden, various areas began to tremble and the sand bounced up and down as if something were vibrating below. I somehow knew as I looked over the land that there were hundreds of wells that had been stopped up but I could not see them because of the sand that had covered them. At once I could also see through the earth and into the wells... they were filling with water and building pressure... just like a geyser or volcano. The pressure kept building until finally all over the land the well covers were blown open and water exploded out into the air. It was incredible to see these hundreds of guysers blasting into the air! Soon, it began to rain - a mighty downpour... and not just from the geysers, but the rains were released and the floodgates of Heaven were opened! In just moments this barren land was soaked! I saw that the water from the wells began to mingle with the new rain and all of this joined to become a mighty river that joined with other streams and rivers down the way until all were flowing as one!

As I asked the Lord what this meant over the weekend, I believe I received 2 interpretations:
The first is that each of the wells represented physical, geographic areas where the Lord was brewing His Spirit and preparing His Children. Though none of them knew about the others (because they were all hidden under the sand), the Lord was preparing them to abide in Him independently - yet all the wells were experiencing the same thing - the same building of pressure and power of the Spirit. Just as a well finally had built up enough courage (pressure) to break out and tell the world about Jesus (they had finally defeated the fear of being the only ones), all the wells exploded together! Everyone was astonished at how many other wells exploded at precisely the same time! In doing this, the Lord first prepared His Children to abide in Him over abiding in their numbers. Not only that, He also built tremendous faith and unity in the Believers - raising courage even higher and causing all to be joined together in great joy and love!

The second interpretation/implication is that I knew the wells had been dug over the centuries by Lovers of God. Each had been dug by someone with a special anointing of the Holy Spirit. Yet, over the years, the wells had been covered and forgotten. What is happening at this time, however, is that the Lord is stirring the waters that have been covered and forgotten. He is about to re-release all the gifts and anointings that have ever been known throughout the whole earth throughout all time! This generation will know the miracles of Moses, Elijah, Jesus and all the others throughout our history. Not only that, but the Lord was causing New Rain to fall that mingled with the well water. He is raising up the Old and pouring out the New! The "greater works than these" are being released!!

So, take heart, for not only has Jesus not left us nor forsaken us, but there are many more of us than what we think! Furthermore, the Spirit is about to be poured out in an incredible way. We will see the Lord move and bring glory to His name with tremendous power!

The second "vision" that I had was significantly more sobering, but very powerful to me:

I saw that as the Spirit was released and the Lovers of God were moving in greater authority and grace, there were people who were watching and witnessing. I saw how many of them were curious and wanted to understand, but the disturbing thing was that I saw some almost immediately begin to reach to the ground ... they were reaching for stones! They were filled with anger and hatred and were ready to throw stones at those who were being moved by the Lord. What really broke my heart was that many of them were church-goers! Elders and pastors and Sunday School teachers! There were many who had professed Jesus, but with these out-pourings and manifestations of the Lord they were filled with anger and resentment. They were not prepared because they had made God into their image and this was not what they were expecting.

I saw something else, however. I saw that some of those who were reaching to grab stones... the ones who knew some of the Scriptures and who truly wanted to love the Lord, yet were deceived, as they were reaching for the stones, the Lord opened their eyes and they were immediately reminded of how the Pharisees had done the very same thing! They were cut to the heart and saw themselves as Pharisees! They repented right on the spot with great weeping and sorrow. Yet they had been spared from this sin. This was incredible to me! Just as the Lord had done with Paul, He did with these - and so the Lord was even redeeming many of those who would have stoned Him! To my great dismay, however, there were still very many who remained blind and committed to destroying and silencing this great move of God.

So, again, as has always been true, when the Lord moves, there is always opposition - and often it comes through "religious" people. But the Lord will even use their initial desire to "throw stones at Him" to draw many to repentance! God is so merciful and gracious!!

Be encouraged! God is really really real! And He is going to do some amazing things in our time! Be prepared... seek Him HARD! Like He is your greatest treasure! BECAUSE HE IS! AMEN!

Rivers of Orange Juice

As I was perusing my journal, I came across something that I thought I could share. I'm not sure where it came from - whether I heard it from someone else or the Lord, but anyway...

A word from the Lord is like an orange:
You squeeze all the juice out until it seems there could never be any more.
In a moment of faith or curiosity, you return to the squeezed rind just to see if, hope against hope, there might be a drop left - just a drop.
Then, from the dry, shrivelled peel an outflow of juice overwhelms you!
20 to 30 times what was originally squeezed!
Such is the harvest of him who seeks beyond his understanding!

Perfect Pitch, but Frozen Shoulder

I know that I just posted a blog the other day, but I have another story to share.

Today I was reminded that God will not be reduced to academics. Sometimes he will humor us and put up with us, but ultimately, God is God and he will be known as such and treated as such.

My patient today had passed out over the weekend and so she was brought to the hospital to investigate the reason why. She is in her 50s and has uncontrolled diabetes, over-medicated hypertension, and she had an operation years ago to remove 2 aneurysms in her brain. This operation left her with progressive hearing loss and occasional episodes of difficulty speaking and swallowing. As I talked with her I asked her if she was angry with the doctors who have cared for her. "Yes," she said. "I'm very angry. My hands are starting to swell, my hearing is getting worse, then I pass out... no one seems to be able to help me. And no one ever has time to listen to me." Even her son who is living in California doesn't have time... she hasn't seen him in 4 years. Then she set me up for the biggest home-run hit of the century: she said to me, "Sometimes I just don't know why I'm here." And she burried her head in her pillow.

Now, at that moment, I was moved - like I imagine you are. I was thinking, "Alright, let's smash this one home. It's perfect! God, I know this is the question that I can answer! Maybe I can't tell her anything about echocardiograms, but THIS, THIS is all mine!" ... right??

...wrong.

I don't know crap about this either. And it was important that the Lord show me that. I just stood there. I was full of confidence but had absolutely NOTHING to say to her. The perfectly lobbed pitch floated by and I just watched it. My arms could not move - they were paralyzed.

So, God, what's up with that? Talking with the Lord about it tonight I think he showed me: My heart was broken for her, yes, and that was good and right, but I was confident in my own ability to come up with an "academically spiritual" answer for her because, after all, I'm a Christian. I know my Bible. I sing worship songs. I might as well have a degree in Christianity. Ha. See, if I hadn't been so wise in my own eyes at that moment, I would have remembered the words of Daniel or the humility of Nehemiah! I would have openly said, "I'd love to tell you, but the Lord ALONE knows the hearts and purposes of man... may I talk with him on your behalf?" I have no doubt that if I had simply humbled myself before my King, He would have laid bare her heart and the purposes of her life for both of us!

Again, I rejoice in these moments where the Lord shows me what a fool I am, because I know he is constantly shaping and refining me.

So, here's the point... academic knowledge of God might enable us to recognize the perfect pitch (maybe) but only the power of God can give us the strength to smash it out of the park. Let's remember that He is God and He will be known as God.

"Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord and he will [smash it out of the park]" (my paraphrase.

Bless you.

The Tonsillectomy Denial

2007 is now upon us. Undoubtedly the Lord has a great deal planned for His children this year. Just as 2006 saw incredible growth in many of His children across the nations, I have no doubts that 2007 will also see unprecedented acceleration in revelation, wisdom, authority, and intimacy with the King of Kings. These are exciting times the Lord has placed us in. The great adventure of faith is getting really good - I hope you are in with your whole heart! It's the only way to ride!

Anyway, in light of the anticipation of the Lord's glory this year, I believe the Lord let me experience a wake-up call this final month of 2006. He shook me to my core. Bless the Lord, though, He knows what He's doing.

My December rotation was an Ear, Nose and Throat surgical rotation. I thought it would be interesting as well as very practical knowledge if I do end up in family practice. Everyone has a runny nose and almost everyone snores. So, ENT.

The thing about this rotation was, however, that I basically went through the month with a perpetual feeling of awkwardness. Not only was it my first time in the OR, but the physician I was with did surgeries at Metro, Greenville Hospital, Spectrum South Pavilion, and a Surgical Center on the east side of town, not to mention that he saw patients at a Grand Rapids office and a Greenville office. So, with the awkwardness of not knowing where to stand or what to do, I also felt like I was going to a new and foreign facility every other day.

It's worth saying that in the OR you never really know what you're supposed to do. The Surgical Techs may be nice or incredibly rude. If you stand as far out of the way as possible, you're inevitably in the way. If you try to stay alert and anticipate the directions that people are moving, you're ALWAYS wrong - in other words if you move to get out of a tech's way, the tech who was making a beeline for you will concurrently change her trajectory, and again, you are in the way. You might as well just let them run you over. If that's not bad enough, you're constantly trying to keep up with the doctor as he bounces between the OR, the pre-op area, the waiting room to talk to family, the post-op area, the lounge, the cafeteria and so on. You never know if he's going to the operating room or the bathroom - so you just follow. It's always fun when you're hauling down the corridor, walking side by side (say, you're on his left side) so as not to feel like a baby duckling following it's mother, and the doc makes an unanticipated left turn – right into you – it's very awkward. The picture I am trying to paint here is that I just felt out of my element - nearly the whole time. Self-confidence was at a serious low.

So, there's the setting, here's the story.

Since Dr. ENT worked like a madman, it was unusually difficult to find time to read the Word. One morning, however, about two weeks into the month, lecture was cancelled, so I decided I would eat some breakfast and read the Word for a bit in the cafeteria.

After reading through Habakkuk, I went to the library to copy some material on rhinitis (runny nose) which I quickly perused as I walked up to the OR.

When I arrive, I was greeted with the usual, "Hi Chris, how was lecture?"

Me, being, well, … I think in my heart I wanted to be bold, so I set myself up, but my faith did not match my intent.

"Well, it was cancelled, so I sat and read for a bit."

"Oh yeah, what did you read about?"

All at once weakness overwhelmed me. All I could see was that I was uncomfortable in my scrubs, mask and hat-thingy, in a horribly uncomfortable cold, tiled room with grumpy medical people. I choked.

"...rhinitis." I sheepishly replied - and lied.

He then proceeded to quiz me on allergies, septal deviations, bacterial and viral infections and... well, ... whatever.

But could I really say "Habakkuk" in the middle of the OR? Wouldn't that put the patient at risk as Dr. ENT was yanking out the tonsils? I couldn't drop such a bomb all nonchalantly like that could I?

I really didn't realize the implications of this episode until later that week as I actually took time to dialog with the Lord about it. At the moment, I thought, "Oh, God understands. It was just an awkward moment for me." And though I do think the Lord understands and I have never once felt that He was angry with me, He did convict me in a painfully beautiful way.

As I was praying, a certain disciple suddenly came to mind:

Peter.

...


Lord, thank you for letting me see this. Thank you for letting me feel this. I know that you are not angry with me, but that in your mercy you showed me that I was afraid of being who I am. Thank you for revealing to me that you have called me to a life abundant and that an abundant life does not have be insecure no matter who is in the room.

After this event, the month dramatically improved. With that conviction came tremendous freedom. I committed to being honest whenever the opportunity came up. I would be proud of my heritage as a child of God and not back down from speaking the truth. I tell ya, there is a great deal of peace that comes with confidence in who you are and the commitment to not denying it.

So, I believe that the Lord allowed me to experience this in order to break me of fear. I think that He has great plans for January 2007 and that the lesson of December 2006 was integral. I look forward to "trying to get kicked out of medical school" as I live with the Spirit in my heart and the Truth in my voice! Bless the Lord! May His conviction and discipline never cease in my life! His freedom is too precious!

David

this is a different genre that I am experimenting with. I hope you enjoy it. there may be more to come with this particular story.

A time not too long ago in a place not far from here, there lived a young peasant boy. He was meek and soft-spoken, shy and a little intimidated by the other boys who would often shout and call out for attention. He was a quizzical young lad and often passed the lonely hours watching the other children interact as they pushed and shoved and vied for whatever it was that they wanted. It was not a rare occasion when the boy would lay in his bed looking out through the window at the quivering autumn leaves or the glistening winter stars and wonder about his life and where he belonged in such a great and majestic world. This particular boy's name was David.

Now David was not necessarily the best of boys, but his heart was good. Though he couldn't explain it, it seemed that there was always someone watching out for him. Whenever his curiosity would get the best of him and he would make his way to join in with the other children, he would seemingly always step into a mud puddle – even on a clear day. His foot would get so wet and make him so uncomfortable that he forgot his curiosity and turned to go back home. His mother would ask, "Why did you step in the puddle and get your foot all dirty?" But David felt shame because he knew he had been trying to go and join the other children.

Time passed and David's curiosity turned to resentment against the other kids. He began to think, "They're just bad people. Who cares about them anyway?" But in his heart he felt rejected and lonely and didn't understand why they always seemed to get what they wanted, but every time he wanted to join them, all he got was a dirty foot.

It was around this time that the young man met someone – a very interesting person who David didn't know, but somehow he recognized – from somewhere. He was an elderly man, humble in his blue overalls and his drab, weathered overcoat, and yet dignified. He seemed very gentle and in his eyes there was something different – a warmth, a security. In his hand he held a watering hose with which he watered the flowers along the path.

"I've been watching you since you were young," the man said in a calm yet regal voice. "I've seen how you are curious about the other children. I've seen how you have wanted to join them because you were lonely and wanted to be a part of the fun they were having."

David was somewhat alarmed that this man knew his heart so well – that even though he never actually made it to join the others, he had wanted to and this man knew it.

"Yeah, but every time I tried to join them, I stepped in a puddle – even on a clear day!" David retorted – trying to hide his shame behind an inflection of victimization.

"I know," the man said as he waved the hose back and forth over the flowers.

"I would like to show you something," he continued. "If you are willing, I would like to teach you what I know. I would like to show you who you are and what your purpose is and why you always stepped into the puddles before you were able to join the others."

David looked into the man's eyes with curiosity and skepticism. Since David was a young man who often thought about such things in his life, he was very curious. But how could this man possess such information – the details of David's life? Yet, looking into the man's eyes there was something deeper, something that comforted – it was as if there was a tangible wisdom hidden there that required no defense, no explanation – it just was.

"Uh… o – ok," David hesitantly agreed, "I will come see what you would like to show me."

"Very well. Come, follow me."

And the two walked along the path.

No words were said along the way, although David's mind was racing. It was just his nature to question and wonder, yet his thoughts did not seem to raise doubt in him, only a desire for understanding.

They arrived at a small, unimpressive home. It was old, but well cared for. It had the same sort of welcoming and yet strangely distinguished demeanor that the old man had.

"Take off your shoes," the man instructed, "I need to see your feet."

"Oh, ok," David said, "but I have to tell you, they're still a bit dirty from stepping in those puddles." He was still shameful about his feet, but since the old man already seemed to know about his stepping into puddles, he figured there was no use in trying to hide it from him.

The man squatted down and examined the dirty feet.

"Why didn't you wash them?" the man asked.

"Well, I tried. I actually tried a lot. I used many soaps, hot water, cold water – it just wouldn't come off."

"Uh huh," the man said as he produced a basin of water and began to wipe the boy's feet.

"Hey! The dirt is coming off! But… huh… how…?"

"If you are to be clean, you must let me be the one to wash you."

David was so grateful. He was so tired of having dirty feet. And though no one knew about his feet because they were hidden under his shoes, he knew, and he was ashamed.

"Thank you so much, sir. I never thought I could be clean again."

"You are welcome."

After that, David was somehow changed. His resentment against the other children dissipated. Since his feet were finally clean, he no longer wanted to risk stepping in puddles to go and join the others. In fact, he wanted to tell the others about the man who could wash feet, but this was a harder task than he had thought since the others were so preoccupied with their pushing and shouting. They just couldn't hear David calling from behind the mud puddles. Only those who drifted away from the crowd could hear him and even then, only some wanted to have their feet washed.

Several years went by and the old man would teach David as often as David decided to visit. Some seasons David came nearly every day. Other seasons, he did not come as often. It was during those seasons where he did not visit the old man that he became more and more aware of how he was forfeiting something very precious – something hard to explain, but of great value. When David would regularly go to learn from the man, even though there still were trials at home and at his school, he had a strange peace that gave him happiness. David soon realized that regularly visiting the old man was the most important decision he could make for his life. And so David and the old man spent more and more time together, and they were both glad.

David grew and matured. He trusted the old man and hung on every word – and yet there were many questions that David had that the man did not answer, or else he would give a reply that didn't even seem to fit with his question. One thing that the man would often say to David was, "you are the son of a king." David never really understood this because, as far as he knew, he was born of a pauper – a meager family without much at all. David soon realized that the man was not referring to any sort of wealth or status, but that it was something else that the man was teaching him.

One day David was again going to the house of the old man. He arrived and knocked on the door. It was always unlocked so when no one came to the door, he just walked in. He skipped and hopped along, whistling in a cheery mood just looking at the knick-knacks and trinkets hanging from the walls and decorating the shelves. The man had not come to greet him yet, so he continued his casual exploration.

Down at the end of the hall, David's attention was drawn to a great light that was shining beneath a large wooden door. He cautiously and curiously made his way down the corridor and slowly pushed open the door.

Light poured out of the room as its brilliance nearly knocked David to the floor like a giant wave. He tried to shield his eyes, but it was no use. The glory was terrifying and made David more scared than anything he'd ever seen before.

Just then, the light began to fade and as David's eyes began to adjust, he saw the old man buttoning up his weathered coat and closing a cardboard box.

"Wha - what was that?" David was still trembling. "Wha-what just happened? What's in that box?"

"My son, I have told you many times now about who you are."

"Y- yes," David was trying to regain his composure.

"I am the King."

"I have called you friends."

As the summer days peeled away and the next major phase of my medical education drew nearer, I found myself praying a different sort of prayer. I was leaving a God-sent network of believers, a familiar city, and a world that had seemingly only just become comfortable for me. I knew that I would soon find myself in a constantly shifting merry-go-round of medical rotations where every month I would have to walk into a completely foreign setting and learn quickly where to stand and what to do. I began asking the Lord to go before me in a new way: not only did I desire that He show me himself and that He fill me with courage and peace, but it came to mind to ask the Lord to open the eyes of my heart to be able to recognize who His children were. If I only had a short time in each rotation, I thought it would be encouraging to know if there were other believers and who they were. This has been a very exciting prayer and the Lord's answer has had me both in laughter and in tears.

#1. The Jamaican Lobby Singer

While on my first rotation, Internal Medicine, I had the opportunity to go on a road trip to a couple of nursing homes north of Grand Rapids with my precepting physician. He is a difficult man to read, rarely making eye contact, and generally just not very good at making you feel welcome. He is pleasant, just hard to read. I decided a nice road trip might just be the sort of thing that the Lord wanted to use to get us some good conversation time. So, I agreed to go. (I learned later that I was the first one to ever volunteer to go with this doctor on his visits to the nursing homes – and he has had students for a good long time.) He instructed me to meet him at the hospital lobby at 7:30 am.

It must have been 7:25 or so when I walked out to the lobby. Across the way there was a custodian getting ready to vacuum the carpet. He was black, maybe 6 feet tall, mid 30s. But something else caught my attention. I recall having a thought zip through my mind: "I think this guy is a friend of Jesus." No sooner did the thought leave my mind than this gentleman began to sing! In the middle of the lobby, with his vacuum cleaner in hand, this man began singing some old spirituals – full voice and with a thick Jamaican accent! "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot!" A huge smile exploded on my face. WOW, Lord! He IS one of yours!

As I waited some of the doctors and nurses were entering by the lobby entrance. They would look over at the singing man then pass by where I was sitting. Some wouldn't look at me; others made a look as if to say "what a weird guy… who sings in a hospital lobby??" I just continued to smile.

I made my way to the man.

"You know," I said to this regal custodian, "when I first walked over here I immediately had the feeling that you knew Jesus. As soon as I thought that, you started singing."

"The Lawd bring us togetha like magnets, don't he," he replied with a heavenly smile.

I introduced myself and he told me his name was Morris. We shook hands, very grateful to have met one another and to know yet another one of the Lord's children. I was incredibly inspired by this experience… but this was just the first.

#2. The Kingdom of Heaven Belongs to Such as These

The next month on my pediatrics rotation I was blessed with a great deal of free time. In spite of having to be at the hospital at 6 am every morning to round on the neonates, I often had 2 or 3 hours in the late morning to read or study. I mostly used that time to journal and read the Word. One of these mornings I was sitting alone in the cafeteria reading my Bible. A shadow crossed my table and I looked up to see another custodial man. He was older than Morris – late 40s. He wore glasses and had a slightly lazy eye and a humble smile. He sort of hobbled as he approached me.

"Hello," I said.

"I – I didn't know if I should come over here," he hesitantly stuttered. "I saw you reading. Some- sometimes I – I like to read here too... oh, I – I didn't know you were reading the Bible… o – ok, I don't want to bother you. You are busy."

"Oh, no, my name's Chris," I said.

"Oh- okay. Hi."

I glanced at his name tag. It said: William. "Do you go by Bill?" I asked.

"Yeah – yeah."

"Nice to meet you, Bill."

"Nice to meet you, Chris."

We shook hands.

I could tell that he was still debating in his mind whether he should be talking with me or not. You see, I was wearing a shirt and tie. I had my white coat on with my stethoscope around my neck. I had the "doctor" look going, I guess. I sensed that maybe Bill had been more used to just not being noticed by the "white coats" and so he was awfully nervous to have approached me. And so he waved and cautiously stepped backward. "O – ok, well, ok." And he went back to his table.

Not many days later, I saw Bill again on the OB floor. I was rounding with the doctor, an intern, and another medical student. We passed by Bill with his cleaning cart in the corridor.

"Hi, Bill," I said.

He looked up and waved, smiling.

"O – ok, Hi," he replied in the same reluctant manner as before in the cafeteria. My doc was on the move, and so I was unable to chat with Bill at that moment.

After finishing the rounds with the doctor, I was making my way to the elevator and I passed him again.

"Well, we're getting to see a lot of each other, aren't we!" I said.

"I – I didn't know if I should say hi before. You were busy and with the doctor and …"

"Of course you can say hi to me, Bill," I interrupted.

He smiled, saying his okays and his hesitance seemed to be dissipating.

"See you around, Bill."

Bill and I now run into each other at least several times a week and we always have a brief little chat – just an encouragement for each other or a friendly "Hi, Bill!" "Hi, Chris!"

Though this story is not quite as "supernatural" as my encounter with Morris, I include it here almost as a sequel to the story of Victor whom I wrote about in "A Friday Afternoon with a King." I had learned from Victor that Jesus often shows up in the unnoticed people and I surely don't ever want to miss him.

#3. "I'd like you to meet my friend…."

This month I'm doing a family practice/OMM rotation at the resident clinic. I've had a great deal more time with patients and I have been feeling more and more comfortable with my history and physical skills. Since there are fewer opportunities to escape to be with the Lord on this rotation, I have been trying to use my lunch hours.

One noon hour, I decided to get some Taco Bell. I ordered my lunch and sat at a table in the corner. As I was journaling and reading some Zechariah, a man walked in. He was bald, maybe late 40s or early 50s, and was dressed in the clothes of a journeyman. At first I thought I recognized him so I continued to watch him waiting for him to turn around. When he did, I realized that I did not know him. Yet I was drawn to him.

"Lord, is this like Morris? Is he one of yours? Do you have any words for him that you'd like me to share with him?"

I started praying for the man and wrestled in my mind as to whether my thoughts were from the Lord or from myself.

The man got his food and started making his way over to the table right next to mine. As it was about time for me to be leaving, I was packing up my stuff. I grabbed my bag as he went to sit down. I was very nervous (it still gets me a little trembly to give words to strangers.) I made eye contact with him and we both paused for a moment. I hesitated, but knew it was now or never.

"I started praying for you when you walked in. I felt that the Lord said that you were very close to him."

"Yes, I am." He replied.

"And He is walking with you today."

"Thank you." He smiled.

I was still so nervous that I somewhat hurriedly smiled, nodded and left.

As I walked to my car, his reply echoed in my head: "Yes, I am." "Yes, I am."

Now, as I sat in my car, I lost it. I just started crying. At the moment I didn't really even know why. I'm not really an overly emotional person, but the Lord had touched me right there. I came to realize something, though: it wasn't just the fact that the Lord had used me to give a small word of encouragement to this man… this was something I had never felt before ---

Have you ever had a friend that you thought was much cooler than you? Someone you just were honored that they noticed you and that they said "hi"? Maybe a bit how Bill was feeling at first with me? How would you feel, then, if that friend who you thought was so cool – so much higher-class than you – introduced you to another one of his friends? As if he were proud enough of you that he would introduce you to another one of his cool friends.

Well, this is the best way I can explain what I felt there in my car. I felt that the Lord had just introduced me to another one of his friends – like he was pleased to have me encounter one of his best friends. It really broke me down. God, who is so much cooler than me actually wanted me to meet one of his cool friends – a man whose eyes possessed depth – the sparkle from years of sacrifice and depending on the Lord. Of course, the Lord has blessed me with knowing so many of his children. But I had never realized what a true honor and privilege it is to know another believer – one of God's children – one of his best friends.

And so, through Morris, Bill, and the man at Taco Bell, the Lord has been graciously and powerfully answering my prayer – my prayer that he would open my eyes to see who his people are. I really believe that this is a prayer that the Lord wants to answer for us all. I believe that as times get rougher and the end draws nearer, the Lord will be increasingly pouring out His Spirit and we will be more and more dependent on Him for many things – this being just one. Imagine how incredible will it be when we can walk into a room of strangers and by the Spirit know which ones are the friends of God!

Spiritual Insight from Medical Pathology

Cardiac Tamponade in a very basic sense is when something gets into the pericardial sac that shouldn't be there. It squeezes the heart and prevents it from pumping blood the way it should. The heart cannot expand.

Cardiac tamponade is the same as thorns – the cares of the world.

The heart's job is to receive and give what it receives for the sake of the body.

Since the pericardium's purpose is protection – to protect the heart from pain of friction and to serve as a barrier to bacteria and infection, it would seem like a bigger cushion would be a good thing. More fluid or air = better protection. But this is exactly the opposite of what is true. The pericardium can only function as it's meant to when there is just enough fluid – no more no less. "Give us this day our daily bread."

This is the same perception we have with our physical blessings. Sometimes we think that having more is better because it equals protection – more insurance – protection in case of trouble. But having more in your pericardium – more "cushion" actually inhibits your ability to receive and therefore your ability to give. As a result, the whole body suffers.

How do you fix cardiac tamponade? A surgeon drains the pericardium. How does a rich man enter the kingdom? Goes through the eye of a needle. He loses the extra fluff. The Surgeon strips off the excess. Then the heart finds it can actually receive more and give more – the way it was designed to.

Atherosclerosis

Atherosclerosis is a disease of the great vessels in which there is deposition of calcium and lipids in the intima of the vessel. There is a fibrous plaque that covers it and sometimes this can rupture causing a big problem.

The arteries are communication pathways to supply the body with nutrients and to take away waste.

I feel that atherosclerosis is as gossip and bitterness in churches. It is more likely to occur in places of turbulence – places where the path isn't easy – places where the blood (the resources) must be distributed so that the whole body is fed.

These are places of exaggerated communication and must be on high alert against gossip and personal sensitivity to statements that are made. If a "root of bitterness" is formed because one of the cells takes offense to something, that root will begin to affect all the cells. Not only this, but in order to "not make a big deal" the person may develop a "fibrous cap" and hide that which offended them. This is effective for a little while so that the whole operation can continue without much of a hang-up. But bitterness unaddressed is worse than pausing the operation to deal with it. When it ruptures it runs the risk of killing everything downstream.

Atherosclerosis can be prevented by making sure not to eat too much fatty food – don't indulge ourselves in the gossip of others. It can also be helped by exercise – by focusing on doing the work of the Lord, the whole body can become more efficient at everything it does. It can handle going into more "gossipy" places to bring the light of Jesus because its metabolism is stronger. If you have been feeding off of gossip for a long time, your metabolism for ministering to gossipers is not very strong and you probably are not called to minister to them. Maybe after your cholesterol has dropped significantly and you've stayed there for a while, then you will have authority to speak against gossip. Lastly, the intima (us as individuals) can do our part by not listening to the gossip. Whether it is about us or someone else… we must not let ourselves to become bitter. We must cast our cares on the Lord and count on Him for our affirmation.

A Prayer for Worship

I include these prayers and snapshots of my relationship with the Lord for no other reason than that 1) you can learn a tremendous amount about a person by the way they pray (so you get to know me better) and 2) maybe by reading my prayers you will be encouraged or built up in your faith. Be blessed!

June 30, 2006

Lord, be blessed by our worship tonight. Anoint us to touch your heart. May the holy and pure praise of your name by your children be so distasteful to any demons or evil strongholds that they have to flee – the walls fall down and we have freedom to call on your name with truly open hearts – hearts longing to be filled with your truth and love. Give us open hearts that give you freedom to move on us in whatever way you want – whatever seems good to your heart. Lord, we don't want to be afraid anymore – we don't want to be afraid of you. We don't understand how it is that you love us like you say you do. We have so many questions. We've been hurt – we've been taken advantage of – by each other – Lord, some of us feel that you took advantage of us and hurt us. Oh how that must hurt your heart. When you gave your son – your only son – Lord your word says that it was your will to crush your son – the only one who loved you – Jesus was the only one who was not selfish unto death – he was the only one who loved you and you were pleased to kill him for me. Oh Lord! You were willing to pay such a great price for me and yet I would question your love for me. Yet I would think you would desire to hurt me. Oh, Father, thank you for your patience with us. Lord, we want to know you. We want to know what's real. We want to trust you. We want to let you love us and lead us through the adventures of this life – as brief as it is. Lord, we want to let you show us the mysteries and secrets of your heart. We want to learn how to love others so much that we don't have to always be looking over our shoulders to see if someone's going to hurt us. I want to trust that you are making me into the man you've called me to be. You're dreams for me are so much better than my own. You're teaching me how to have victory in all things as I learn to rejoice in you and your faithfulness. Pour out reconciliation and forgiveness on us, your Children. Give us humble hearts to encourage and serve and not to point the finger or criticize – teach us how to extract the beautiful from the worthless – just like you do with me. I want to be like you. I want to see my circumstances and others the way you do – through eyes of love and hopefulness and not judgment and insecurity, Lord. I thank you that you've made us a family and that we need each other. I love my brothers and sisters so much. Thank you for loving each of us personally and having special moments with each of us – but thank you for giving us each other that we can sacrifice for each other serve each other. We can practice learning to be like you. We want your life living in us – not just stagnant in our heads – but alive in our hearts – changing our character – transforming us to love fearlessly – to give generously – to forgive unconditionally – to lay down our lives that we might find them completely alive and renewed in you. Lord, we're tired of feeling broken and hopeless – if we're gonna be broken, Lord, let us at least be broken and hopeful – hopeful because of your promises – hopeful because you do not lie – hopeful because your thoughts over us are loving kindness and restoration and redemption. Lord, we're broken, but you told us that if we would just grab your hand you would heal me – you would give me faith – you would give me a reason – you'd give me hope. You said so, Lord. Lord, we're scared. We've never done anything like this before. Some of us are hurting so much that we just want to quit. We can't stay where we are, but we're afraid to follow you. Lord, no more. No more. We're scared. But we're ready. Forgive me for being ashamed of you. I am not ashamed of you. I am no longer going to make you into what I think you are. I'm no longer going to assume that you're like me. If you were like me I would have every reason to be afraid of you. But you're not like me. You are willing to die for your enemies. You are willing to give every crumb of food you have so that you the ones who seek to kill you can live. You are not like me. I will rejoice in you, my Savior. I will sing your praises from the rooftops. I will proclaim your name to the nations. I will lift you up before kings and princes. I will rejoice in you in the midst of pain and suffering. I will call on you in my distress and you will hear me. I will reach for you and you will save me. I will seek you and chase after you with my whole heart and you will let me find you. I will leap from this cliff with nothing but your promise to catch me because your promise is more real, more true, more solid than this ground I'm so afraid to leave. Bless the Lord oh my soul! Bless the Lord.

Truth Telling

I've had it in my mind to write this blog for several months now. The content is derived from assorted experiences in medical school and though I have not formally written on this issue I have had many thoughts and conversations about it and find it very interesting.

Just as Jesus opened our eyes to see that murder is not just killing, but it is also anger toward a brother; and adultery is not simply sexual promiscuity but starts in the eyes - so living a life of honesty - of true truth-telling, is not just not lying or not cheating, but it is much deeper and much more difficult than simply NOT doing something - but intentionally DOING the right thing. Let me explain.

Over the last few months I've learned from myself as well as others that we all say so many things with the intent to manipulate - we victimize ourselves, we seek to illicit pity, we seek illicit praise, we feed our insecurities – and all of this is obvious in the way we talk - in the very words we choose to use.

Jesus said in Matthew 12:34 that "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." I confess, the more I pay attention to the words of my mouth, the more I am able to see that there is still definite darkness in my heart. It has been humbling and encouraging – humbling to see how even when I am thinking I'm doing well, there is still more work to be done, and encouraging to know that the Lord is still taking me higher.

So, here are a couple quick examples of the slyness of dishonesty:

Oftentimes, when we are questioned about our priorities, say, someone invites you to a church function or something, we often give a patterned response of "oh, well, I'd like to, but I can't" or "Thanks, but I'm not sure what's going on yet." To say "I can't" is almost never true – because it implies either lack of transportation or something that is physically preventing us from doing it. At least, the more I say "I can't" the more I'm convinced that it's just a lie. Even if it's money or time or transportation, there is almost ALWAYS a way to do something. The real translation of "I can't" is probably more like "It's just not a priority for me." Whatever the potential response, I think it is better to just be honest, than to lie and think that your lie will be received better.

Another example was brought to my attention a couple weeks ago when I continually told a story of an event that I witnessed at the medical office I was working at. I had seen someone do something that offended me and really affected my respect for this person. In spite of the Holy Spirit continually saying, "you should not be telling this story" I did anyway. I later realized that I was telling the story simply because I knew it would get a rise out of others as well. It was an emotionally charged story and people would think that I was a good story teller or that I am special because of my unique insight into medical mishaps. Basically, the Lord showed me that the reason it was so hard for me NOT to tell the story was because I was insecure about people accepting me and I wanted the attention I could get from sharing a story of someone else's error. In essence, I was not covering this person's shame, but exploiting it for my own glory. How horrible is that?!

So, the point of this testimony is to say that telling the truth is not just in the facts that you relay, but in the motivation we have for saying or not saying something. Am I truly guarding my tongue so that everything I say is with a genuine heart of love and compassion, both for my friends AND my enemies? Am I speaking as if I were saying the very words of the Lord?

As it says in James, if anyone can truly control his tongue, he is perfect and able to control the whole body as well. I believe that crucifying our tongues is one of the hardest and yet most profitable things we can ask the Lord to do for us. After all, the Lord spoke and the universe came into being – and we are created in His image. Imagine the authority that the Lord would give to us if we sought with all our hearts to use the power of our words exclusively for the Lord and His Kingdom! There is tremendous power in our words and I believe the Lord really is raising a generation who has such a chokingly tight rein on their tongues that they are completely under the direction of the Spirit. The flesh will have no outlet in our words anymore. Hallelujah!

Lastly, I'm becoming more and more convinced that Jack Nicholson's classic line "You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth!" is quite true of many people – myself included. Since we really have not completely learned to put our faith and trust in God, we end up putting it in man. And since we do not truly know how to live on "every word that comes from God" we live on the words of man. This makes us incredibly vulnerable to man and, consequently, insecure in who we are and God's sovereignty – which then takes away our ability to love with the love of God, and so we end up making judgments that are founded in the wisdom of man and the world, and not the wisdom of God and heaven. We may take offense to simple things that people say to us – even if they are true and spoken from a heart of love.

The conclusion to the matter, then, is that it is of the utmost importance that we take our language seriously – not only for the sake of our relationships with one another, but even more so that we might be trusted with greater anointing and authority from the Lord. We want to honor him in all that we do and say – and it seems the latter may be the more challenging.

thoughts on leadership

We always have a choice in the way something ends by the way we choose to begin it.

But does that mean we go in without expectations?

Wait. No - just different expectations.

Not so much expectations of winning or losing - but as Psalm 37 says - expectations of truly showing Godly character.

Be the nice guy - but more than that.
Stand tall and strong in the authority and freedom of Jesus.
Confidence, not arrogance.
Wisdom, not information.
Purity.
Joy that is unexplainable and magnetic.

Being a "good leader" has nothing to do with not getting upset - it has to do with cheering for those who made it and helping them be their best.

A servant like that could be mistaken for royalty.
And royalty he would be.

The Melody of Your Grace

Oh Perfect One

Oh Beautiful

Oh Lover of my soul and

Satisfier of my every desire

I look to the Heavens

I soar through the sky

My wings are lifted by the joy of Freedom

I feel the clouds and breathe the air

The cool fresh air

From here I swirl and dive and twirl

Wherever your wind blows me

I am completely and totally free

I fall backward through the air

Caught by a cloud that envelops me

As a soft, deep Comforter

The sweetness in the air surrounds me

And draws me to your majesty

Up here there is no worry

There is no concern

Though I may fall to the earth,

Yet I will float lightly upon the melody of your grace

When troubles come and fear comes to draw me away from you

I will close my eyes and fly

I will soar through the sky

I will remember that I am yours

And again, I will float upon the melody of your grace

~CC


I was reading my journal entry from a year ago and this is what I found. I thought it blog-worthy.