Science:Reality as Bible:God?

I'm really on a roll here with this blogging stuff. Hopefully I'm still saying stuff of value and not just adding to the noise. I welcome the comments.

I sat in on a discussion this afternoon in which we wrestled with the great question of "knowing truth:" can we only know truth by scientific, reproducible experimentation? or are there other means of knowing truth such as revelation or experience? It's a great question, and a challenging one to approach. I don't plan on ending the debate here... but I had a couple thoughts that are worth writing down... at least I felt so.

So the Naturalist believes that "you can only arrive at truth through the scientific method." Is this true? I believe that science is a great way to understand the world and that it is incredibly worthwhile. However, the obvious question that comes to me is "how do you use the scientific method to prove the validity of the statement: 'you can only arrive at truth through the scientific method'?" I mean, if it's true, then I should be able to test it, right?

Alright, so you can't. It's too abstract. You can't put "scientific method" in an oven and see if it turns into "truth" if you bake it long enough, nor is there a road called "Scientific Method" which leads to a house called "truth." It just doesn't translate. In fact, I think this view of reality is so narrow that no one really believes it. The reason no one believes it is because it would be impossible to even have a conversation with someone, let alone operate in this world only speaking and doing things that could be scientifically provable. Can you imagine trying to talk in scientifically provable statements all the time?! You couldn't do it. I'd have to throw out this entire blog. So much of the reality of our existence is NOT based in science.

So, my conclusion is, then, that the Naturalists view is just too narrow - it restricts too much, and even those who say they are Naturalists really aren't anyway.

Again, I have to say, science is a wonderful means of understanding the world... and furthermore, from my perspective, a great way of learning about God. I'm a medical student after all. It's kind of a given that I believe science is useful and worth pursuing. However, my point is that it is just a small window through which we can view reality... and it's really quite limited.

I want to extrapolate this idea and see if I can get some stones thrown at me.

So, in the world of Christianity we have this book called the Bible. It's a compilation of poetry, history, law, and prophecy. It's incredible. I could read the Bible a million times and never exhaust the truth and mystery contained within it. I love the Bible, and I believe the Lord gave us the Bible help us see Him better.

But is the Bible GOD? I mean, some people believe that when it says "the Word became flesh" it means the Bible became Jesus. Something about that doesn't work for me. Maybe it's because it is written backwords... we had Jesus BEFORE the Bible... like a long time before the Bible. I guess we had the Old Testament... the Jewish writings. But is that it? Is God really contained within the Scriptures? When we arrive in Heaven will we be greeted by Psalty? (for those of you who don't know who Psalty is... he's a book with arms and legs). I'm not meaning to take this lightly, but did God speak the Word... then when we got the Bible He stopped talking? Would that kind of be like a bride and groom standing at the altar and just after they kiss, the groom pulls out a book and says, "You know, dear, I love you so much that I spent years writing this book for you. It's so thorough that if you'll read it, I'll never have to talk to you again."? If God really is our Lover (and I know that He is), this is not His intention.

See, much like science, I'm feeling that the Bible does not contain all of God. In fact, I think it would be incredibly narrow for me to think that. If everything I believed the Lord shared with me had to be written in the Bible, I'd never be able to do anything! I wouldn't know if it's ok to go to college... or to talk on the phone... or to order a club sandwich at McAlister's... or to use air conditioning. It's just impractical. That doesn't mean that the Bible is obsolete... not at all!! Again, the Bible is invaluable. We can learn so much about the character of God through studying and meditating on it. It is a wonderful gift. But it's not God. It's a lens. It's true, but it's not Truth. Truth is a person named Jesus who is really alive and is still talking. He's still moving and affecting this world. He tells me (through the Bible) that if I am really his sheep, I will know His voice. If I have no clue what it sounds like, then the Bible is the perfect place to go. I should read it and memorize it... but I should not neglect talking to Him.

There's a real danger of letting this "modern age of science" worldview seep into our view of the Bible. We start to think of the Bible as the only lens... the only way to know God. Jesus said that HE is the way to the Father. Not the Bible, but Him personally. I mean, people say we should pray, but rarely do they expect the Lord to speak to them. See, the Pharasees and Scribes of Jesus' day studied the Scriptures that testified about Jesus, but neglected to come to Him to have life. Do we turn the Bible, with all of the different opinions and interpretations, into God ... in a sense, manipulating words and sentences to fit our preconceived ideas of God ... instead of coming to Him to open our eyes to understand who He is through the Scriptures?

Science is a wonderful advance and a great way of understanding the world and God, but it's lacking in it's ability to contain all of Reality. The Bible is one of the most precious gifts we have been given by God. It is inexhaustable in depth of wisdom and revelation. We should have a growing respect and love for it. But have we allowed ourselves to condense Almighty God of the Heavens and Earth into a book and so prevented ourselves from hearing what He is saying today?

True Love: Mystery without Manipulation

I'm somewhat embarassed to admit this, but while doing a little web surfing, I came across an article title that caught my attention: "What Kind of Guy Did You Marry?" I was curious, so I clicked the link. As I suspected, the article might as well have come out of a Glamour or Seventeen magazine - laced in all its ground-breaking relational wisdom. It compared two different types of husbands: the Boyfriend and the Husband.

The "Boyfriend" husband being the bad boy - the guy who is wild, mysterious, and unpredictable. Essentially, the relationship thrives on a savage lust for each other. (Before I go on here, I want to know, who in the world has that kind of relationship other than disenchanted junior-high and high-schoolers who really don't, they really just swim in this illusionary world contrived by music, magazines, and movies?! Does this really exist in real life?) That aside, I do understand the thrill associated with a real sense of passion. Something that we as young people don't see a lot of in our "happily married" (or unhappily married) role-models. The article sited all kinds of "research" and "psychologists" and the like. The obvious negative to this sort of relationship is that it is equally as threatening as it is thrilling. There is no security. No assurance that he or she will still be there in the morning. Will he/she find someone better? Someone who pushes the buttons better? Alright, so that's the Boyfriend: an adrenaline rush - but stimulated both by passion and fear.

The "Husband" husband was what you'd expect: the faithful guy, a "buddy," you can count on him to pick up the kids and whatnot, but he doesn't really excite you. The relationship is more business than intimate. This is what most lasting marriages depend on (so the "research" says.) So, when a girl looks for a man to marry, she should be looking for a guy like this... Someone to "bring home to mom."

The article suggested, then, that each man will fall into one of these categories: the passionate Boyfriend, or the faithful Husband. But, let's face it, we all have a bit of fire in us and if this is the way we have to view our relational reality, it would make most sense to hang on to the Boyfriend as long as possible - get as much thrill as you can until you come to that point where you're really afraid you can't compete with the competition, so you hook yourself a Husband to coast through the rest of your days with.

(Forgive me if this blog comes across extremely cynical... I guess it is, cuz I am quite cynical about the world's view and portrayal of relationships. It's just wacked out. I don't pretend to be an expert on relationships at all, but maybe my perspective, well, Jesus' perspective lends a little more hope.)

So, what's the goal, here? The goal is this: passion without pain; mystery without manipulation. Is this impossible? Do we have ANY models of this at all??

As Christians, we say OF COURSE WE DO!

When God invents marriage, He intends for it to be an intimate picture of His love for us. He expects us to learn from Him how to love our husbands and wives. He puts limitations on areas like premarital sex and emotional vulnerability to protect a precious gift - a gift that has the potential to be the most incredible earth-shattering experience - or the most destructive, painful, confusing experience of our lives (and I'm not just talking about sex, here, either-- the WHOLE thing... the WHOLE relationship).

So, what do we know about love from God's point of view? Is it passionate?

Oh my, YES!

Few respond to His wooing, but it is there.. it is obvious in the Bible, and it's obvious to anyone who hungers for the Lord. His love is fierce. It is willing to die for me. He is constantly showing me new and thrilling sides of Himself, and all the while assuring me that the depths of mystery contained within His love for me will never reach an end. I am fascinated by Him. He moves me to tears and causes me to tremble when I welcome the revelation of His fiery and intense love. Really, He touches me and gives me chills. His love is extremely passionate and mysterious. His Love is very intimate and that gets my adrenaline going.

What about the other? Is God faithful and dependable?

Again, I say, OH YEAH!

If you have not felt the pain of realizing your unfaithfulness to Him, but then felt the unexplainable joy of realizing His eternal faithfulness to love you, you haven't lived. Really. It will break you down. You might say that He is passionately faithful. He promises to never leave me. He hears me when I call. He is my friend and buddy, and I can feel comfortable and safe with Him.

What I'm realizing here, is that in God the "Boyfriend" and the "Husband" are fused together. The cannot be separated. We are able to experience the depths of His passion because we can trust Him. We don't need to be afraid of His mystery because His faithfulness allows us to dive deep into Him without fear - with complete security in His promises.

So, THIS is how God expects our marriages to be: mysterious, passionate, and thrilling - but fiercely faithful and grounded in a steadfast love and friendship. As Rob Bell puts it in his Nooma, "Flame," God expects us to join all the flames of passion, friendship, and faithfulness together to get the BIG FLAME.

This kind of love is available. It's what we were designed for. It breaks my heart that the world separates the flames and so destroys the possibility of experiencing True Love. There is so much deception. Of course, I am not married, and maybe it's easy for me to talk about something that I have no experience with, but I don't really think that's true. I've seen. I've watched. I've experienced.

There is one last point that is important for me to make: that is that in order to translate the passionately faithful love of Jesus into our earthly relationships, we have to know Him. We have to have that sort of innocently passionate relationship with Jesus in order to have it overflow into each other. If you don't have it with the Lord, you won't be able to give it to your spouse. It will be fake. It will burn you out. You will get angry because he/she doesn't return it to you. So, it won't be selfless and faithful like the Lord's. We must know the Great Lover in order to do what He does.

See, I really believe that when we follow the way God designed us to function... when we are people of truth, when we don't use "love" to manipulate, but when we have a selfless, self-sacrificing love for our spouse... it's an experience that all of Creation takes part in. Nature itself rejoices in a husband and wife loving each other in the Truth of Christ. All of the angels wonder and awe... cheering and singing praise to God when they behold the miracle of love that we are capable of giving to each other. This isn't a joke. The universe was designed by, for, and through Love.

I don't know who you are or where you're at in relationships, but I hope that you hear me out here. Jesus is Truth. He made us and His ideas are ALWAYS the best. Get to know Him.

Identity Crisis

The following is a short exhortation I wrote for our CMA orientation picnic. Though it was not initially intended for an audience outside of CMA, I believe it can serve to encourage any believer.


Do you know what the Lord says about us? Do you know what he thinks of you and me? We are the apple of his eye. Do you believe that? When all of creation was completed and the angels marveled at it all, God was just getting warmed up. His most precious creation is and always has been us. He created us in His image, to be like Him, to see the world and all its beauty the way He does. We are the Lord’s inheritance! Think about that. Jesus dies on the cross, and for his inheritance he asks for us! All the text books in the world couldn’t come near to describing the depths of the human soul and the mysteries of creation – yet that is exactly where our Lord is. He abides in the secret place, and as His beloved, He is constantly calling us, even pleading with us to come and see – to join Him and to work and play in His reality. Around every corner, every question, every heartbreak, and every side-spitting laugh, the Lord is revealing His mysteries to us… mysteries about Himself and about us. This world is drenched in our God. As believers in the one True God of Heaven and Earth, as his children, He says, “My son, my daughter, everything I have is yours. It always has been.”

See, some of us don’t share this vision of faith, some of us want to, but we’re afraid of dreaming too big, and some of us have this kind of faith – but only sometimes... that's where I fall.

Let me tell you what CMA is about. In medical school, we are pounded with information about the human body. It’s fascinating, isn’t it? I mean, even the process of swallowing is so intricate and precise. As we’ve learned, it only takes a little "departure from the normal" for us to aspirate our food and get pneumonia… but in most of us, it works perfectly. It’s amazing!

But, you know, somehow it loses its awe-inspiringness, doesn’t it. Like somehow the joy of exploring the Lord’s awesomeness gets suffocated by … oh I don’t know, the volume of the material, the blandness of endless black words on white paper, the fact that many our professors don’t convey any glimpse of awe or wonder when they speak about these things - like they are just putting in their time. Even our own bodies are reduced to impersonal facts. There’s no mystery. There’s no passion. What should be thrilling and awe-inspiring ends up killing us. This is where CMA comes in:

What did the Lord tell the Israelites over and over again?

Remember.

Remember what I did.

Remember who I am.

And remember who you are.

This is so true of us. Do you remember who you are? The apple of the Lord’s eye?! The one He calls into His secret place so He can show you Himself and how he is reflected and present in all of His creation. Our God is a God of awe and wonder and passion and wisdom and unending mystery. We will spend eternity with our jaws on the ground. Do you realize that? It is the joy of His heart to reveal Himself to us. But He doesn’t want to wait until we die… he has so much for us even here at this place, at this time.

CMA exists to remind.

When we are with each other, we remind each other of the beauty and mystery in the world and in each other. When we get together we can remind each other of the truth about ourselves and our Lord. We can remember together who we are… our identity in Jesus. Break off the lies that strangle our passion and awe. This world is relentless in trying to kill the fire that the Lord has put in each of us. The enemy knows that when our fire is blazing, it changes the world. He doesn’t want that. CMA is not just a student organization, really, by the very nature of the fact that we are children of the God of the universe, it’s so much more. Of course, you don’t have to be in CMA to be in on it all, in fact, I really encourage you to get involved with a church and spend time worshiping the Lord on your own. But those of us in CMA share this unique and challenging experience of medical school too. We are on the same road for this short time, and no one understands what you’re going through like the one who’s right there with you.

So, this is CMA: sons and daughters of the Lord of Hosts who remind each other that this is true and that it is amazing.

Rx: Thanksgiving

I've been told that satan attacks Christians. I've been told that he especially likes to target people who have callings to positions of unusual societal impact such as medicine, law, ministry and education. I am learning more and more that this is, indeed, true. It's not to say that because I am in medical school I am somehow closer to God so satan feels threatened by me. I believe that any child of God, no matter what position he may hold, will be attacked to the degree that he wants to be a servant for the Most High God. In my case, God has moved me to give all of myself... my education and my life to His service. As such, I know that I am often a target of the devil's fiery arrows. I am learning that I am more susceptible to some than I am to others. Among his favorite to fire at me are depression and despair. Praise the Lord, though, this is not a story of defeat - but a story of victory, because that is the nature of the God I serve!

Not many days ago I was in the trench. I was wallowing in spiritual filth - largely, if not exclusively due to heavy attack by the enemy, and to my passively agreeing to his lies. The lies of the enemy were borne out of a couple things: Pharmacology, and the fact that nearly all of my undergrad friends are now married. See, pharmacology is a challenging course for me. In spite of my hardest efforts to succeed in the course, I still came short (at least on the first exam) ... not by much, but it was discouraging. The marriages and engagements that seem to be snatching all my friends away leaving me to be the only one left holding down the Bachelor Fort naturally get me questioning God about what He's doing with MY wife. I mean, goodness, I don't even have a girlfriend right now, so I'm WAY behind! Anyway, these were the main sources of the attacks. I started to get so consumed with despair and depression that I would start to believe all the enemy's lies about me and even make up some of my own. You know the lies, "If you'd stop your sinning then maybe things would go better for you." "Are you sure God's got the best in mind for you?" "So, what are you gonna do when ALL of your friends are married and you have no one to hang out with anymore?" "Why did you decide to go to medical school in the first place? I mean, so far all it means is studying your butt off to fail and while you sit there all by yourself studying day after day, your friends are getting jobs and marrying the loves of their lives." You can see how destructive this is. I was finding myself with my head burried in my bed screaming at God and being very... well, upset. I didn't even want to move. I'd lay in bed even if I was awake because the depression was so bad.

But, here I am now, rejoicing and praising the Lord because He is faithful to draw me to Himself. A friend of mine whom God has given authority to speak into my life was picking up on my attitude and she confronted me. After I had puked my filth out on her about how miserable life was and how unfair it all was, she said to me: "Chris! Stop it right now! Never in my life have I seen you live a life of ingratitude! If the only reason you do what you do (try to be obedient) is because you want to impress a girl, then God doesn't want it. God wants a cheerful giver!"

Wow! I hadn't associated my attitude with ingratitude! I got to thinking about it and it started to make perfect sense! Instead of seeing the things of my life that I am grateful for, I was consumed with looking at what I didn't have. Instead of praising the Lord for putting me in medical school and calling me to be a doctor who bears His name and remembering that I am NOT to be afraid, that I am truely in His hands, I was questioning His ability to deliver me from my enemies (pharmacology exams). And instead of praising the Lord and thanking Him for giving me more time to be consumed with Him and to learn about loving another person, I was angry that "everyone else had someone." Very faithless. Very ungrateful. Goodness, as I started thinking, I realized that I have every reason to praise Him! I mean, look at my last blog! How do I go from incapacitating gratefulness to paralyzing ingratitude? It's no good, I tell you, no good.

So, this is the understanding I have gained: the antidote to depression is thanksgiving because the father of depression is ingratitude. Next time I find myself falling into depression and despair, I'm gonna check my level of gratitude and start praising the Lord and thanking Him for giving Himself to me and loving me and blessing me far beyond what I deserve.

for me

I don't know if I'm just procrastinating my studies of Immunology, but I can't help but feel that this is far more important than cytokines, interleukins, and interferons.

Every once in a while the Lord takes us into new revelation. Even the things we thought we knew so well can be shaken. And we just have to stop, blown away.

I was reading the latter end of Isaiah 52 and 53 and I had one of these moments with the Lord.

See, my servant will act wisely;

he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted.

Just as there were many who were appalled at him -

his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man

and his form marred beyond human likeness-

so will he sprinkle many nations,

and kings will shut their mouths because of him.

For what they were not told, they will see,

and what they have not heard, they will understand.

Who has believed our message

and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

He grew up before him like a tender shoot,

and like a root out of dry ground.

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,

nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by men,

a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

Like one from whom men hide their faces

he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,

yet we considered him stricken by God,

smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to his own way;

and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgement he was taken away.

And who can speak of his descendants?

For he was cut off from the land of the living;

for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,

and with the rich in his death,

though he had done no violence,

nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

After the suffering of his soul,

he will see the light of life and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,

and he will divide the spoils with the strong,

because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors.

Isaiah 52:13- 53:12

Lord, your ways are so different from ours. Father, how is it that you would seek out the most meek and humble - the most quiet and innocent. Lord, in a world of men who hate you and love themselves - you sought him out, the only one in the world who really loved you - and you killed him. He was the ONLY ONE and you KILLED HIM.



for me.






thank you




i will never stop praising you.

A Friday Afternoon with a King

Regrettably, it has been a while since my last update. This is not to suggest that my life has been so pathetically uneventful that there is really nothing interesting to share, in fact, quite the opposite. But, I'm sure all you web designers and bloggers are all too familiar with the cycle. Let this brief acknowledgment suffice to cover my future abeyances as well as the current. So, hence forth, I will do my best to not preface every subsequent posting, as few and far between as they are, with a nonsensical appeal for pardoning my inconsistency.

Having gotten that out of the way, there is a very special and significant reason for my motivation to resurrect my blog - the story of Victor shall be the content of this posting.

This past weekend I was very fortunate to be free from the fetters of text books and lecture outlines. Since I didn't have an exam to be preparing for, I took my two Grand Valley buddies up on their invitation to battle for Middle Earth in a little Lord of the Rings: RISK action over at their place in Grandville. Before I departed for the west, I ran a few errands. After I had finished the last of my tasks, I was walking to my car, already a little late, and I heard a, "Hey, man! Hey!" I turned about to see an African American man, probably in his 30s or 40s, looking much like a homeless person. As he got closer, I could see that the whites of his eyes where more yellow than white, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Hey, man, I was hoping to get a couple fish sandwiches from McDonald's. Do you think you could help me out?"

"Sure. Hop in," I said.

He seemed confused by this invitation. He looked at me like, "Uh, all I need is a couple dollars. McDonald's is right down the way."

I figured that's what he was thinking, so I explained myself a little more.

"Yeah, hop in. McDonald's is way at the end of the plaza here. I'm kinda hungry, too. Let's go get some fish sandwiches."

His perplexed look remained, but he got in the passenger seat. During the short drive to that glorious beacon of western culture, I learned that my new friend's name was Victor. He had grown up in Kentucky but came to Lansing when his sister came to school at MSU.

We ordered our fish sandwiches and a couple apple pies and sat down to eat. I was wondering what the Lord had in mind for this encounter - I certainly knew that this was all His idea! As we sat down, I asked Victor if he would mind me praying for our food.

"Oh, no, man - let ME do it!"

"Alright, Victor, you can pray for us." I smiled.

"... Lord, in Jesus' name... bless this... food... in Jesus' name. ... thank you for what you give us... in Jesus' name." (This is a paraphrase, but I do remember it to be sort of like this.)

We both said "amen" and then started eating.

I don't know that our conversation was that cohesive - I think he was a little out of it... my suspicion is that the yellow sclera had something to do with it. However, I do recall a couple questions that he asked me that really penetrated me deeply. He asked me if I liked myself... which is really a difficult question to answer. Well, at least I found it to be so as it was being posed to me by a perfect stranger who also happened to be a little less "privileged" as myself in the eyes of the world. This question merits its own analysis, but the question that most affected me was this: "Did you make yourself?"

Now, we spent an entire Bible study last night thinking about this question, and I'm sure we didn't exhaust all the implications of this surprisingly profound question, so I want to just share what my response was: honestly, I don't think I did respond. I just sat there thinking about it. Surely he wasn't talking about biology. Of course I had nothing to do with my physical manufacturing. Did he mean something more like "Is it because of all your effort that you are who you are and I am who I am?" This is probably closer to it, but I think Jesus used this new friend of mine in a very specific revelatory way to speak to me. Let me share a little deeper:

All my life, well, for as long as I can remember, I have been plagued by a fear of inadequacy. I'm sure we all are. But it feels very intimate to me. So many times I've wondered, "What in the world am I doing here? I can't hang with these people!" Whether it's trying to not fail chemistry in college, taking the MCAT, getting accepted to medical school, passing medical school exams,... whatever. I've always come to a block where I feel like I'm just not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not where I should be. Each time I would end up having to just sit down and endure the fact that I am not in control of this ship. I gave the helm to my Jesus, and he took it. I guess I often feel like the disciples when they and Jesus were on the boat and the storm came and Jesus was sleeping! But, when they woke him up what did he say? "You of little faith! Peace, be still."

My encounter with Victor came at one of these sensitive times. The question he posed, then, resonated in me with incredible reverberation: Did you make yourself? It's that question again! In other words, did you have anything to do at all with your position or success or anything? It was remarkable that this stranger would pierce my soul in such a way just by asking a question.
To further blow me away, not only was this a powerful question that caused me to remember that all I am is because of my Lord's guidance and gentle hand, but I was confronted with the promise that Jesus gives us when He says "Whatever you do unto the least of these, do are doing unto me." OH MY GOODNESS! Does that mean that I am really, in some sort of way, sitting here over some fish sandwiches with JESUS!?

The two of us talked a little longer. He repeated himself quite a few times saying things like "I was born in Kentucky." He also kept asking me, "What's my name?" To which I would reply, "Victor." This was curious to me as well, though I don't quite know what it means.

As I dropped Victor off, he said to me, "Thanks, man, you're really a cool guy. I wish I had something to bless you with like you've blessed me. Thanks. God bless you."

I spent then next hour drive to Grand Rapids reflecting on this mysterious encounter. My reflection led me to experience more than I had expected that sunny Friday afternoon. First of all, I was beside myself thinking that I had just hung out with Jesus. That Jesus was there with us. This thought literally made me shiver and get teary eyed. Oh, my Lord! You are too much for me, Lord. Look at me, what am I that you would invite me to a fish sandwich with you?

I also thought about how Jesus promises that to anyone who offers a cup of cold water to someone because he is His servant, that servant will certainly not lose his reward. Lord! Again, for a stinking cup of water??!! I spent 6 bucks for fish sandwiches and apple pies and you're telling me that you count that as worthy of a heavenly reward?? Lord, ... I ... Gosh, here, I'm almost crying as I sit at Beaner's writing this just thinking about it. Your promise is too good.

I started feeling guilty that I hadn't done more. Goodness, I should have taken him to Red Lobster! Why didn't I just get him fries and pop and everything? Sure, I offered, but I should have just done it! And... oh, no! I didn't even give him a gospel presentation! I didn't say anything. I asked him to pray. That's all. Gosh, did I blow it??

This train of thought, though, I felt was interrupted by the voice of the Lord in my head. I felt the Lord say, "My son, you fed me when I was hungry. You loved me. That is the gospel."

I broke down.

I later realized something during our discussion in CMA that I hadn't picked up on prior. I recalled that during those moments - when I invited Victor into my car, and bought him a fish sandwich - those were the moments I understood why I was given what I was given. Never before did I understand so clearly why I had a nice car or access to financial support. But, now, here, with Victor, I understood. So, in essence, the reason I am who I am or I have been given what I have been given is simply to give it away. This is the heart of God - the One to whom I can offer nothing of value has offered me all that He has and all that He is - just because He loves me.

So, this was my experience with Victor... with my Savior on a normal Friday afternoon. I thank that Lord so much for that experience, and I pray fervently that He bring more Victors into my life. I hope my story blessed you as much as it blessed me.

~CC