2007 is now upon us. Undoubtedly the Lord has a great deal planned for His children this year. Just as 2006 saw incredible growth in many of His children across the nations, I have no doubts that 2007 will also see unprecedented acceleration in revelation, wisdom, authority, and intimacy with the King of Kings. These are exciting times the Lord has placed us in. The great adventure of faith is getting really good - I hope you are in with your whole heart! It's the only way to ride!
Anyway, in light of the anticipation of the Lord's glory this year, I believe the Lord let me experience a wake-up call this final month of 2006. He shook me to my core. Bless the Lord, though, He knows what He's doing.
My December rotation was an Ear, Nose and Throat surgical rotation. I thought it would be interesting as well as very practical knowledge if I do end up in family practice. Everyone has a runny nose and almost everyone snores. So, ENT.
The thing about this rotation was, however, that I basically went through the month with a perpetual feeling of awkwardness. Not only was it my first time in the OR, but the physician I was with did surgeries at Metro, Greenville Hospital, Spectrum South Pavilion, and a Surgical Center on the east side of town, not to mention that he saw patients at a Grand Rapids office and a Greenville office. So, with the awkwardness of not knowing where to stand or what to do, I also felt like I was going to a new and foreign facility every other day.
It's worth saying that in the OR you never really know what you're supposed to do. The Surgical Techs may be nice or incredibly rude. If you stand as far out of the way as possible, you're inevitably in the way. If you try to stay alert and anticipate the directions that people are moving, you're ALWAYS wrong - in other words if you move to get out of a tech's way, the tech who was making a beeline for you will concurrently change her trajectory, and again, you are in the way. You might as well just let them run you over. If that's not bad enough, you're constantly trying to keep up with the doctor as he bounces between the OR, the pre-op area, the waiting room to talk to family, the post-op area, the lounge, the cafeteria and so on. You never know if he's going to the operating room or the bathroom - so you just follow. It's always fun when you're hauling down the corridor, walking side by side (say, you're on his left side) so as not to feel like a baby duckling following it's mother, and the doc makes an unanticipated left turn – right into you – it's very awkward. The picture I am trying to paint here is that I just felt out of my element - nearly the whole time. Self-confidence was at a serious low.
So, there's the setting, here's the story.
Since Dr. ENT worked like a madman, it was unusually difficult to find time to read the Word. One morning, however, about two weeks into the month, lecture was cancelled, so I decided I would eat some breakfast and read the Word for a bit in the cafeteria.
After reading through Habakkuk, I went to the library to copy some material on rhinitis (runny nose) which I quickly perused as I walked up to the OR.
When I arrive, I was greeted with the usual, "Hi Chris, how was lecture?"
Me, being, well, … I think in my heart I wanted to be bold, so I set myself up, but my faith did not match my intent.
"Well, it was cancelled, so I sat and read for a bit."
"Oh yeah, what did you read about?"
All at once weakness overwhelmed me. All I could see was that I was uncomfortable in my scrubs, mask and hat-thingy, in a horribly uncomfortable cold, tiled room with grumpy medical people. I choked.
"...rhinitis." I sheepishly replied - and lied.
He then proceeded to quiz me on allergies, septal deviations, bacterial and viral infections and... well, ... whatever.
But could I really say "Habakkuk" in the middle of the OR? Wouldn't that put the patient at risk as Dr. ENT was yanking out the tonsils? I couldn't drop such a bomb all nonchalantly like that could I?
I really didn't realize the implications of this episode until later that week as I actually took time to dialog with the Lord about it. At the moment, I thought, "Oh, God understands. It was just an awkward moment for me." And though I do think the Lord understands and I have never once felt that He was angry with me, He did convict me in a painfully beautiful way.
As I was praying, a certain disciple suddenly came to mind:
Peter.
...
Lord, thank you for letting me see this. Thank you for letting me feel this. I know that you are not angry with me, but that in your mercy you showed me that I was afraid of being who I am. Thank you for revealing to me that you have called me to a life abundant and that an abundant life does not have be insecure no matter who is in the room.
After this event, the month dramatically improved. With that conviction came tremendous freedom. I committed to being honest whenever the opportunity came up. I would be proud of my heritage as a child of God and not back down from speaking the truth. I tell ya, there is a great deal of peace that comes with confidence in who you are and the commitment to not denying it.
So, I believe that the Lord allowed me to experience this in order to break me of fear. I think that He has great plans for January 2007 and that the lesson of December 2006 was integral. I look forward to "trying to get kicked out of medical school" as I live with the Spirit in my heart and the Truth in my voice! Bless the Lord! May His conviction and discipline never cease in my life! His freedom is too precious!
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