Rx: Thanksgiving

I've been told that satan attacks Christians. I've been told that he especially likes to target people who have callings to positions of unusual societal impact such as medicine, law, ministry and education. I am learning more and more that this is, indeed, true. It's not to say that because I am in medical school I am somehow closer to God so satan feels threatened by me. I believe that any child of God, no matter what position he may hold, will be attacked to the degree that he wants to be a servant for the Most High God. In my case, God has moved me to give all of myself... my education and my life to His service. As such, I know that I am often a target of the devil's fiery arrows. I am learning that I am more susceptible to some than I am to others. Among his favorite to fire at me are depression and despair. Praise the Lord, though, this is not a story of defeat - but a story of victory, because that is the nature of the God I serve!

Not many days ago I was in the trench. I was wallowing in spiritual filth - largely, if not exclusively due to heavy attack by the enemy, and to my passively agreeing to his lies. The lies of the enemy were borne out of a couple things: Pharmacology, and the fact that nearly all of my undergrad friends are now married. See, pharmacology is a challenging course for me. In spite of my hardest efforts to succeed in the course, I still came short (at least on the first exam) ... not by much, but it was discouraging. The marriages and engagements that seem to be snatching all my friends away leaving me to be the only one left holding down the Bachelor Fort naturally get me questioning God about what He's doing with MY wife. I mean, goodness, I don't even have a girlfriend right now, so I'm WAY behind! Anyway, these were the main sources of the attacks. I started to get so consumed with despair and depression that I would start to believe all the enemy's lies about me and even make up some of my own. You know the lies, "If you'd stop your sinning then maybe things would go better for you." "Are you sure God's got the best in mind for you?" "So, what are you gonna do when ALL of your friends are married and you have no one to hang out with anymore?" "Why did you decide to go to medical school in the first place? I mean, so far all it means is studying your butt off to fail and while you sit there all by yourself studying day after day, your friends are getting jobs and marrying the loves of their lives." You can see how destructive this is. I was finding myself with my head burried in my bed screaming at God and being very... well, upset. I didn't even want to move. I'd lay in bed even if I was awake because the depression was so bad.

But, here I am now, rejoicing and praising the Lord because He is faithful to draw me to Himself. A friend of mine whom God has given authority to speak into my life was picking up on my attitude and she confronted me. After I had puked my filth out on her about how miserable life was and how unfair it all was, she said to me: "Chris! Stop it right now! Never in my life have I seen you live a life of ingratitude! If the only reason you do what you do (try to be obedient) is because you want to impress a girl, then God doesn't want it. God wants a cheerful giver!"

Wow! I hadn't associated my attitude with ingratitude! I got to thinking about it and it started to make perfect sense! Instead of seeing the things of my life that I am grateful for, I was consumed with looking at what I didn't have. Instead of praising the Lord for putting me in medical school and calling me to be a doctor who bears His name and remembering that I am NOT to be afraid, that I am truely in His hands, I was questioning His ability to deliver me from my enemies (pharmacology exams). And instead of praising the Lord and thanking Him for giving me more time to be consumed with Him and to learn about loving another person, I was angry that "everyone else had someone." Very faithless. Very ungrateful. Goodness, as I started thinking, I realized that I have every reason to praise Him! I mean, look at my last blog! How do I go from incapacitating gratefulness to paralyzing ingratitude? It's no good, I tell you, no good.

So, this is the understanding I have gained: the antidote to depression is thanksgiving because the father of depression is ingratitude. Next time I find myself falling into depression and despair, I'm gonna check my level of gratitude and start praising the Lord and thanking Him for giving Himself to me and loving me and blessing me far beyond what I deserve.