for me

I don't know if I'm just procrastinating my studies of Immunology, but I can't help but feel that this is far more important than cytokines, interleukins, and interferons.

Every once in a while the Lord takes us into new revelation. Even the things we thought we knew so well can be shaken. And we just have to stop, blown away.

I was reading the latter end of Isaiah 52 and 53 and I had one of these moments with the Lord.

See, my servant will act wisely;

he will be raised and lifted up and highly exalted.

Just as there were many who were appalled at him -

his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man

and his form marred beyond human likeness-

so will he sprinkle many nations,

and kings will shut their mouths because of him.

For what they were not told, they will see,

and what they have not heard, they will understand.

Who has believed our message

and to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?

He grew up before him like a tender shoot,

and like a root out of dry ground.

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,

nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by men,

a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.

Like one from whom men hide their faces

he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,

yet we considered him stricken by God,

smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions,

he was crushed for our iniquities;

the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,

and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray,

each of us has turned to his own way;

and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

He was oppressed and afflicted,

yet he did not open his mouth;

he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,

and as a sheep before her shearers is silent,

so he did not open his mouth.

By oppression and judgement he was taken away.

And who can speak of his descendants?

For he was cut off from the land of the living;

for the transgression of my people he was stricken.

He was assigned a grave with the wicked,

and with the rich in his death,

though he had done no violence,

nor was any deceit in his mouth.

Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer,

and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering,

he will see his offspring and prolong his days,

and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.

After the suffering of his soul,

he will see the light of life and be satisfied;

by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many,

and he will bear their iniquities.

Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,

and he will divide the spoils with the strong,

because he poured out his life unto death,

and was numbered with the transgressors.

For he bore the sin of many,

and made intercession for the transgressors.

Isaiah 52:13- 53:12

Lord, your ways are so different from ours. Father, how is it that you would seek out the most meek and humble - the most quiet and innocent. Lord, in a world of men who hate you and love themselves - you sought him out, the only one in the world who really loved you - and you killed him. He was the ONLY ONE and you KILLED HIM.



for me.






thank you




i will never stop praising you.

A Friday Afternoon with a King

Regrettably, it has been a while since my last update. This is not to suggest that my life has been so pathetically uneventful that there is really nothing interesting to share, in fact, quite the opposite. But, I'm sure all you web designers and bloggers are all too familiar with the cycle. Let this brief acknowledgment suffice to cover my future abeyances as well as the current. So, hence forth, I will do my best to not preface every subsequent posting, as few and far between as they are, with a nonsensical appeal for pardoning my inconsistency.

Having gotten that out of the way, there is a very special and significant reason for my motivation to resurrect my blog - the story of Victor shall be the content of this posting.

This past weekend I was very fortunate to be free from the fetters of text books and lecture outlines. Since I didn't have an exam to be preparing for, I took my two Grand Valley buddies up on their invitation to battle for Middle Earth in a little Lord of the Rings: RISK action over at their place in Grandville. Before I departed for the west, I ran a few errands. After I had finished the last of my tasks, I was walking to my car, already a little late, and I heard a, "Hey, man! Hey!" I turned about to see an African American man, probably in his 30s or 40s, looking much like a homeless person. As he got closer, I could see that the whites of his eyes where more yellow than white, and I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Hey, man, I was hoping to get a couple fish sandwiches from McDonald's. Do you think you could help me out?"

"Sure. Hop in," I said.

He seemed confused by this invitation. He looked at me like, "Uh, all I need is a couple dollars. McDonald's is right down the way."

I figured that's what he was thinking, so I explained myself a little more.

"Yeah, hop in. McDonald's is way at the end of the plaza here. I'm kinda hungry, too. Let's go get some fish sandwiches."

His perplexed look remained, but he got in the passenger seat. During the short drive to that glorious beacon of western culture, I learned that my new friend's name was Victor. He had grown up in Kentucky but came to Lansing when his sister came to school at MSU.

We ordered our fish sandwiches and a couple apple pies and sat down to eat. I was wondering what the Lord had in mind for this encounter - I certainly knew that this was all His idea! As we sat down, I asked Victor if he would mind me praying for our food.

"Oh, no, man - let ME do it!"

"Alright, Victor, you can pray for us." I smiled.

"... Lord, in Jesus' name... bless this... food... in Jesus' name. ... thank you for what you give us... in Jesus' name." (This is a paraphrase, but I do remember it to be sort of like this.)

We both said "amen" and then started eating.

I don't know that our conversation was that cohesive - I think he was a little out of it... my suspicion is that the yellow sclera had something to do with it. However, I do recall a couple questions that he asked me that really penetrated me deeply. He asked me if I liked myself... which is really a difficult question to answer. Well, at least I found it to be so as it was being posed to me by a perfect stranger who also happened to be a little less "privileged" as myself in the eyes of the world. This question merits its own analysis, but the question that most affected me was this: "Did you make yourself?"

Now, we spent an entire Bible study last night thinking about this question, and I'm sure we didn't exhaust all the implications of this surprisingly profound question, so I want to just share what my response was: honestly, I don't think I did respond. I just sat there thinking about it. Surely he wasn't talking about biology. Of course I had nothing to do with my physical manufacturing. Did he mean something more like "Is it because of all your effort that you are who you are and I am who I am?" This is probably closer to it, but I think Jesus used this new friend of mine in a very specific revelatory way to speak to me. Let me share a little deeper:

All my life, well, for as long as I can remember, I have been plagued by a fear of inadequacy. I'm sure we all are. But it feels very intimate to me. So many times I've wondered, "What in the world am I doing here? I can't hang with these people!" Whether it's trying to not fail chemistry in college, taking the MCAT, getting accepted to medical school, passing medical school exams,... whatever. I've always come to a block where I feel like I'm just not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not where I should be. Each time I would end up having to just sit down and endure the fact that I am not in control of this ship. I gave the helm to my Jesus, and he took it. I guess I often feel like the disciples when they and Jesus were on the boat and the storm came and Jesus was sleeping! But, when they woke him up what did he say? "You of little faith! Peace, be still."

My encounter with Victor came at one of these sensitive times. The question he posed, then, resonated in me with incredible reverberation: Did you make yourself? It's that question again! In other words, did you have anything to do at all with your position or success or anything? It was remarkable that this stranger would pierce my soul in such a way just by asking a question.
To further blow me away, not only was this a powerful question that caused me to remember that all I am is because of my Lord's guidance and gentle hand, but I was confronted with the promise that Jesus gives us when He says "Whatever you do unto the least of these, do are doing unto me." OH MY GOODNESS! Does that mean that I am really, in some sort of way, sitting here over some fish sandwiches with JESUS!?

The two of us talked a little longer. He repeated himself quite a few times saying things like "I was born in Kentucky." He also kept asking me, "What's my name?" To which I would reply, "Victor." This was curious to me as well, though I don't quite know what it means.

As I dropped Victor off, he said to me, "Thanks, man, you're really a cool guy. I wish I had something to bless you with like you've blessed me. Thanks. God bless you."

I spent then next hour drive to Grand Rapids reflecting on this mysterious encounter. My reflection led me to experience more than I had expected that sunny Friday afternoon. First of all, I was beside myself thinking that I had just hung out with Jesus. That Jesus was there with us. This thought literally made me shiver and get teary eyed. Oh, my Lord! You are too much for me, Lord. Look at me, what am I that you would invite me to a fish sandwich with you?

I also thought about how Jesus promises that to anyone who offers a cup of cold water to someone because he is His servant, that servant will certainly not lose his reward. Lord! Again, for a stinking cup of water??!! I spent 6 bucks for fish sandwiches and apple pies and you're telling me that you count that as worthy of a heavenly reward?? Lord, ... I ... Gosh, here, I'm almost crying as I sit at Beaner's writing this just thinking about it. Your promise is too good.

I started feeling guilty that I hadn't done more. Goodness, I should have taken him to Red Lobster! Why didn't I just get him fries and pop and everything? Sure, I offered, but I should have just done it! And... oh, no! I didn't even give him a gospel presentation! I didn't say anything. I asked him to pray. That's all. Gosh, did I blow it??

This train of thought, though, I felt was interrupted by the voice of the Lord in my head. I felt the Lord say, "My son, you fed me when I was hungry. You loved me. That is the gospel."

I broke down.

I later realized something during our discussion in CMA that I hadn't picked up on prior. I recalled that during those moments - when I invited Victor into my car, and bought him a fish sandwich - those were the moments I understood why I was given what I was given. Never before did I understand so clearly why I had a nice car or access to financial support. But, now, here, with Victor, I understood. So, in essence, the reason I am who I am or I have been given what I have been given is simply to give it away. This is the heart of God - the One to whom I can offer nothing of value has offered me all that He has and all that He is - just because He loves me.

So, this was my experience with Victor... with my Savior on a normal Friday afternoon. I thank that Lord so much for that experience, and I pray fervently that He bring more Victors into my life. I hope my story blessed you as much as it blessed me.

~CC